It feels like a really long time since my last post.
A few months ago a former friend recommended I read this book. We'll call her E. the concept is to identify relationships that are good for you and avoid those that aren't. E had nothing but great things to say about the book. Praising it she said things like, "I'm learning so much about myself through this book. It's a great counseling tool!". I like to think that I am an individual who is not opposed to change, or too prideful to do so. Naively, I borrowed it.
Little did I know that my close former friend would just a few short months later be nothing more than a figment in my memory. I have to say, the book is a great book. I identified parts of my personality that have had "unsafe" tendencies in the past. I learned about past relationships that were unsafe. When I finished, I returned the book to her. I even recommended it to others.
In the future, when a friend recommends a read like this to me, I will head it as a great warning. I should have seen it clearly. Three months after making this recommendation, E and her husband slipped out of our lives (mine and my husband). First, they ignored our phone calls and voice mails. Next came the facebook messages, and finally emails. Eventually they cut all contact whatsoever leaving both myself and my husband going, "What did we do wrong?". We even asked them. They avoided it.
Without jumping up and down and yelling, "I'M UNSAFE! I'M UNSAFE! BEING MY FRIEND WILL HURT YOU!", essentially this is what she did by recommending this book.
To my daughter, be careful who you choose as your companions in this life. Inevitably, everyone will disappoint you one way or another. This is because we are nothing but sinful humans. The only One who will not disappoint you or hurt you ever is your Lord who loves you desperately. Your Dad and I will try our best, but even we will disappoint you at times. We pray that you will carefully watch those you may consider to be your friend, in different situations. Watch how they handle their anger, hurts, and disappointments. Take note of their character, and most importantly ask yourself, "Will this person help strengthen my relationship with Jesus, or bring me away from Him?". Lastly, pray that God would give you wisdom when making your decision. We love you, Mom and Dad.
To anyone else who reads, I hope you found this article helpful. My husband and I are still grieving the loss of our friendships to both E and her husband. I don't know if we'll ever get closure or even a simple decent response to our efforts. But even if we don't, at least we have a concrete example of some unsafe people. No need to worry we'll forget, our pain helps us remember.
